“So, what kind of mother do you imagine yourself being?”
I didn’t know how to answer fully. I answered some sort of something that ~should~ be said to potential coparenters. Something both reserved, and hopeful. Reassuring? Something like, “hopefully an adequate one?”
There ended up being another few dates, so the phrasing must have been okay.
But I’ve had a long bit to think about it, and I’ve decided upon a new vision.
A new answer when asked that question.
“I imagine that I’ll be quite an annoying mother, actually.”
When I’m a mother, I’m going to annoy my children.
I just know it.
Because when they ask me, “are we there yet?”
I’m going to always answer, “yes.”
And when they ask me, “no, for real, Mom. When are we going to get there?”
I’m going to always respond, “we’re already there.”
Because I want them to be watered with this truth:
*There is no finish line.*
Whether you’re in first grade or high school or vacationing or at home. Whether you work your dream job or an entry level position. Whether you’re single or married or somewhere in between.
If I give them nothing else, I want my children to know that it’s okay to get dirty.
To rip their pants.
I want them to know that scars are exquisite. That they tell a story.
That today is a passion or tragedy filled page in a larger adventure.
I want them to see the Divine in Every Thing. In Every One.
First in Themselves and Second in Others.
When I’m a mother, I’m going to annoy my children:
And point out the sunset every. single. day.
Because I want them to look up and realize that miracles are in our every breath.
I’m going to stop in the middle of walking and encourage them to close their eyes, and take in the song of the birds and the wind.
My advice will probably be filled with dichotomy and contrast:
I’m going to tell them that sleep is important, but so is capturing opportunity. That maintaining a healthy diet fosters a happy body, but cinnamon buns can transform a day.
And I’m going to be the type of mother that knows that, as much as I try, these are not things I can give them.
These are not tools I can gift.
These are not lessons I can pass down via inheritance.
We can lead by example, but in the end, these are things that everyone has to discover for themselves.
But that won’t stop me from trying.
I’m going to be an annoying mother.
(Photo with the provider of my own foundation).